Hope for the Healing
Updated: Apr 5, 2022
As an individual, I never imagined this would happen to me. I actually told myself that it never would. I always thought that if I was ever in a situation where sexual assault may occur, I thought I would be able to get out of it. That is not how it turned out. I was drugged and could not speak or even control my body. It was like I was completely limp. I did not know what was going on. One minute I was lucid and then the next thing I know I was being taken advantage of. Because of this, I now have a fear of control. Before this happened to me, I saw myself as a very independent woman who was very expressive about my opinions and I did not have a problem with saying what I will and won't do. Now, I am afraid of the feeling of losing control over my body again. When I tell you this was the scariest moment of my life, believe me. Even though I was saved by my best friend who picked me up after the rape, there are many moments where even now, I feel as if I am still back to when it all happened. I have flashbacks multiple times a day and even little words or phrases can set me off into a flashback. For a long time after the assault, I did not feel like myself anymore and I could not see that feeling ever coming back. Dealing with the grief of not knowing if you will ever feel normal again is one of the hardest battles to get through. There are many times when I let this beat me down, but at the end of the day I know that my life may never be the same as it once was, but that does not mean that I cannot find a new normal. This was a horrifying experience for me and I feel for every single woman out there who has had this happen to them. I am not thankful for this happening to me, but I am blessed to have survived and to have an amazing support system to help me. I know that I have grown a lot since the incident, and there is still a lot of growing to be done. Just because it happened, does not mean it defines you. You are more than what happened to you. I work everyday on building my new normal and finding things about myself that I love. There are many hard days that will come, but just know that every battle we go through will make you stronger and a more resilient individual. Hold on to the hope that you will find yourself again. I know that it feels like you may never meet that woman again, but you will meet a strong minded, brave, selfless, valued, fighter inside yourself one day. And I am here along the journey with you, as well as thousands of other women. You are not alone.